Once upon a time in Thailand. Bangkok to be precise. That’s like a phrase worse than saying… “In Vegas”. Thailand brings up exotic, decadent images, and a huge sex culture. My ex husband and I were kinda adventurous. I enjoyed going to strip bars with him. I have a breast fetish… and not for “moobs”.

Let’s face it. He liked it because all the men were giving him the thumbs up because he would state that I was his wife. Not that I am spectacular to look at. “Cute”, I’d say. But because it made the other men jealous to not have such a NON frigid wife. You know how women keep sex to get what they want? Wrong strategy. Give it often and you’ll get more than what you want and be happier. I digress.

So we went titty club hopping. We went a little off the beaten path and found this dive that was probably no bigger than your average Starbucks. The manager was an Australian so we had a bond of native English language speakers. You realize what a commodity that is if you’ve ever traveled abroad much. Along with flush toilets.

My ex wasn’t particularly handsome but he was very suave and debonair. And he was a big white dude with lots of money. That’s attractive in any culture. Guilty!

We were there for a week, at Kat’s bar. The girls would all come up and cuddle against us, giggle, etc. Stuff they do to get paid. I’m not stupid. 🙂

They also rarely ever saw 42DDD’s. I had a rack to DIE for. Heterosexual woman would ask to touch it and just gawk. So they’d give a honk and then giggle and run away. It was so stupid it was cute. I say “was” because I lost 150 pounds. That’s a lot of stuffing gone from those pillows of lore. But yay for health. Bullshit, I want ’em back.

Where was I going? OH yeah, body shots. I tried very hard to get Kat to come home with us. He was very thrown off and tempted, he said. And I don’t think that was a blow off because you could see him wrestling with it. So I said.. “If you won’t come home with us, then I want to buy you and the hubby a body shot.” He says “Ok, which girl?” And you know what I said… “Me!”

Stammer, deer in the headlights moment then the lips begin to curl and he’s all in. I’m not an expert on how they are done, but at this bar you rubbed the lime on the nipple and then some salt. Take the shot, suck the tit. (Sung to the tune of the Radiators ‘Squeeze the head, bite the tip’ which is actually referring to eating crawfish. So I was told)

They did as expected and I relished in the moment. Kat kept looking at the ex to see how long he sucked, he told me after. He didn’t want to be seen as greedy so he went as long as the ex. The other men in the bar got a free show and sent me a drink later. LOL Again, the ex is the lucky man. I know how to stroke… *insert dramatic pause* egos.

The names have not been changed to protect the innocent. So if you know Kat, tell him I said hi. *grin*